Lay off the self-help books, you’re doing just fine
The popularity of self-help books isn’t all bad, and I do feel that they can play a role in providing comfort to some people. They can be useful for someone who can’t access traditional therapy, or, they might shed light on topics that are not typically discussed openly. Self-help books can encourage self-reflection, inspire people to make positive changes in their life, or make you feel less alone. Reaching for a self-help book every once in a while is not inherently a bad thing to do. It might be beneficial to ask yourself why you are seeking help in the first place. Are you seeking a solution to a genuinely distressing symptom you’ve been experiencing? Or, are you seeking to be perfect?
There are some major pitfalls in the world of self-help, and at times, these books are doing more harm than good, especially if you are someone who finds yourself seeking perfection in these books.
Self-help books often promote the idea that you have some sort of flaw or abnormality, but not to worry, because this can be fixed. And once this has been fixed, you and your life will be better. You can finally be happy. The problem is that even if you do find a solution for this perceived flaw of yours, another self-help book is waiting around the corner to suggest that something else is wrong with you. Some self-help books have only invented new problems for us to devote our time and energy into solving. Time and energy that could have otherwise been spent actually living your life.
The self-help industry preys on people who strive for perfection, even though there is no such thing as perfection when it comes to our mental health. It doesn’t prey on people who have flaws, it preys on people who believe themselves to have flaws. That’s an important distinction. The problem isn’t that you are imperfect, the problem is that we believe that we aren’t good enough, and all self-help books do is reinforce the idea in our minds that something is wrong with us, or that we can be “better.”
The self-help industry pathologizes many normal human experiences and tries to problem-solve things that don’t need to be fixed, but rather need to be accepted or understood. While self-help books may have a place in your life when you are feeling lost - self-help books can’t fix you, because you aren’t broken. What would happen if you took all that energy you’ve expelled trying to fix yourself and put it toward accepting yourself for the way that you are?
Content disclaimer: the thoughts and opinions in this blog post represent the themes I’ve noticed throughout my practice as a therapist, and I recognize that this doesn’t necessarily reflect all peoples’ experiences.
